這裡聽不見狗吠聲或命運的腳步聲。 歷史老師鬆開衣領對著作業簿打呵欠/辛波絲卡。

2009-09-25

不只一生一次的一同行走。




七月中,半年多來的曲折移動,於是我第一次在旅行途中大病。工作營的休息日大夥兒都去附近的國家公園騎駱駝去了,而我不爭氣的在烏蘭巴托的八人房裡睡睡醒醒的,對面的床位又搬進來幾個人,我也沒力氣打招呼。

那是男人第一次見到我的模樣:病懨懨的側身躺在床上,他說他看了我一眼,莫名的預感我將會是他的女孩。

我的第一眼卻是另種光景。傍晚時我費力的一個人去吃了飯,幾步路弄得高燒兩天的我氣喘吁吁,走進門後我才站定,「How are you?」轉頭,第一次看到男人和他熾熱的雙眼,而我實在太喘了,說了聲一點都不好,就找了藉口留下錯愕的他走回房間裡。

只是我沒有忘記他的眼睛。因為不管是那天晚上他跟我描述他在印度尼泊爾的旅行,還是他隔天早上告訴我,他喜歡我想再和我見一面的時候,他的眼睛始終很堅定的看著我。以至於他離開後的那段時間,我都相信我們真的還會再見上一面。


這兩年我獨自走過/飛行很多次,總會遇到些許人,大夥兒彼此承諾有天再見面,但是我們都知道,現實生活中的承諾都不易兌現,何況是萍水相逢的場面話,要如何實現?

男人出現在我幾年來最狼狽的一個晚上,是第一個在旅行中對我說喜歡我的人,(而他的這句喜歡妳好像有種魔力,因為後來的旅程裡有更多男孩說喜歡我。) 然後他遵守諾言,一個半月後從莫斯科到上海再見我一面。

我說我想在回家之前去一趟桂林,他說我們在一起可以去任何地方。


夜幕低垂,我們背起背包進入沒有人煙的山林間。我走在前頭,後面的燈光照著前方的小路,我踏著自個兒的影子前行,至於兩步之後的路完全看不見,左邊的漓江流水淙淙,而蟋蟀、青蛙、貓頭鷹、夏蟬的叫聲則在右耳骨膜間振動。

沿途的每一步,我都不猶豫。反正倘若不慎失足,後頭的男人必定會拉住我。

就像,走路的時候我也不知道我到底要走去哪,但我知道身後的男人知道方向,那就夠了其實。就安心了。


男人兩邊肩膀上各有塊突起的骨頭,每次問他,他都會開玩笑的說,那是因為他有一雙翅膀。每次他這樣說時,我會歪著頭看他帶笑的眼睛,想像他飛翔的姿態。後來他說那是天生的,他也不知道為什麼,但當他背起十八公斤的背包時,這兩塊突起的骨頭能夠防止背帶滑落呢。我想這大概又是一個玩笑話,

但,「這輩子老天爺給了我一個適合旅行的身體。」他是這樣相信自己的。我想也是。


這些年我在路上遇上很多旅人,他們離家三五年,遊走四方,看似讓人羨慕,可是眼神裡的茫然透露著自己已經失掉方向的事實。但男人不同,即使他也離家十萬八千里,旅行了好久好久,但他有自己的信仰,言談之間透露出他始終走在自己想走的路上,是那麼篤定,就像當他向我走來的時候。

而在他來之前,我跟螞蟻說我非得和這樣的男人旅行一次,說著話的當下我其實不明白為什麼,只是隱約覺得,他就是個我兩年來不斷移動為著遇上的人。

當他問我為什麼喜歡他的時候,我也是這樣回答的。


記得露營前一天,我們一起去爬了一座小山,有階梯,可仍然太陡峭,那上山之路確確實實超出我的極限。老是走的很快的他也不催促我,就停在幾階之上告訴我:我們會一起爬到最頂。心裡埋怨著,可是老自以為可以跟上任何男人腳步的我還是倔強的咬著牙一步一步往上走。

從山頂迴望灕江流域,是讓人難忘的美麗,僅管嘴上還怨著,可的確慶幸他如此堅持要我上來。

看著他不畏懼的在山巔大小不一的岩石上跳上跳下的取景,還有對面山頭一片遼闊地夕陽晚霞,我得費力微笑著才能掩飾自己想哭的衝動:在這個世界上竟然真的有人願意為自己走來,然後帶妳看想要看的風景。多麼難得。


很多人問我,然後呢?其實我也正在問自己。男人曾說過,跑這麼遠為了再見一個女孩一面,很瘋狂,而我始終相信,瘋狂的人生若沒有人陪著一起瘋會是個遺憾。

最後一個晚上,我們手牽手躺在石頭岸上抬頭看滿天星斗,我說這之後我不知道要怎麼回去過去兩年多的生活,他說他希望我可以走向他而不是過去。也許我們真的會像當晚說好的那樣,一起再走一段路,

即使,我們都不能夠確定知道,可以走多遠?然一輩子能和這樣的男人一起旅行一次,只有十天也彌足珍貴。



笑了,更不用提他千山萬水為我而來,我說我終於有一則老了以後可以和孫女炫耀當年的故事,如果我有孫女的話。

然後我要說的是,我並不知道我和他是不是真的會有以後,不過我和他都相信我們都還會再見面,再一次再一次的。



In mid July, for the first time I got a heavy cold during the trip after the half-year drifting. Everyone except me went to National Park for camel-riding , and I was half in asleep in the room. There were a few people moving into the room, and I was too sick to even say Hi.

That was the first sight for the man of me: lying in bed miserably. He said that just for the first glance, he had the feeling that I would be his girl.

For me, it was totally another story. I went to the dining room by myself in the afternoon. It was hard for me just to walk. Not until I entered the bedroom did I balance myself. “How are you?” I didn’t look into his burning eyes until that moment. I was too tired, dumping “not good,” straight to my room and leaving him .

Except that I never forgot his eyes. His eyes fixed at me still, no matter in the night he described his trip in India or Nepal, or he told me that he likes me and would like to meet me again in the next morning. Thus, I believed that we will, truly see each other again even after he left.


I travel alone for many times in two years. I met people, people who promised to meet each other again someday, but we all know that it is tough to realize these promises in the real life, not to mention the words left just for politeness.

He showed up in the most terrible night that I haven’t had in years, and he was the first man saying that he likes me in all my trips. (and there was magic in his words for there were more boys saying that he likes me in the voyage afterward) He kept his promise. He came to me, from Moscow to Shanghai after a month and a half.

I said I would like to go to Guilin before heading home. He said we could go anywhere we want to.


When night fell, we carried our bags, stepping into the forest. I went first. The light behind me lid up the road. I walked on my own shadow without the sight of two steps away. The river was running at my left with crickets, frogs, owls, and cicadas buzzing on the right.

I took each step without hesitation. If I fell, the man behind me will hold me somehow.

It was like... I didn't know my way, but he, who behind me knew, and it was enough. Truly.


There are two bones standing out on his shoulder. I asked him, and he said that he has a pair of wings. I crooked my head, looking at his smiling eyes, emagining the way he might fly, each time when he said so. He admitted that he was born like this afterward, but they do stop the straps of the bag from falling off. I guess it was another of his humor.

Still, he said, "I have a body for traveling in this life." He believes so. So do I.


I met lots of drifters through these years. They left home for several years, wandering, receiving envies from ohters, but the lost looks in their eyes reveal that in fact they've lost their way already. However, this man is differernt. Even though he is millions of thousands of miles away from home, in his voyage for so long, the faith in his talk still tells me that he is still on his way to his dream. He is so sure, the same as he walked toward me.

Before his coming, I told my friends that I have to go on trip with a man like this. I didn't understand then; I just had the feeling that he is the man I drift for.

When he asked for the reason of me liking him, I answered so.


I remember the day before camping, we went for a small mountain hiking. There were stairs though, still it was too steep for me, far beyond me limitation. He didn't push me, although he always walks so fast. He just stopped at a few stairs above, telling me, "We will go to the top, together." I murmured to myself, but my pride made me took my steps to catch him.

it was a spectacular beauty. Looking down on the river from the top of the mountain is unforgetable. I was still complaining, but I was gald that he insisted me going up here.

Watching him moving around on the rocks without fear, with the mafnificent senery behind, I had to smile hard to stop myself from bursting into tears. There IS someone who is willing to come to me, and bring me the sight I yearn so much. How luck I am.


A lot of people asked me, "what about then?" I am asking it, too. He said it is crazy to travel such a long way just to see this girl again. I somehow still believe that it will be a regret if there was no one being crazy with you, too.

We laid on the ground, looking at the sky full of shining stars, with my hand in his. I said I wouldn't know how to go back to my life like the way I've been doing two years ago. He told me that he hopes I can walk toward him, in stead of the past. Maybe we will go with each other for some time, just like we said that night.

Even though both of us cannot be sure how far we can go, it is still beautiful enough for me to travel with a man like this for once in my life.

Not to mention he came to me, over thousands of millions of miles. I say I finally have a story to tell my granddaughter, if, I have a granddaughter.

And once again, I don't know if there is a future of us, but we both believe that we will meet again, again and again.


2009.09.25,堂妹翻譯成英文給他看,他說很浪漫。

4 則留言:

tzewu 提到...

nice journey!

Louise 提到...

跟這樣的人一起旅行是一種幸福...
我相信當下的感動會永遠在你心中...

Admin 提到...

great!

lens 提到...

有趣的事情!我喜歡!